In an unprecedented act of bravery, the US government, under the visionary leadership of Donald Trump, has made a historic decision: to declare tornadoes as domestic terrorist organizations. Finally, the nation confronts the invisible enemy that has been looting our homes and our tractors with inhuman ferocity.

"These tornadoes, with their destructive agenda and their suspicious wind patterns, are a threat to the very fabric of our society," declared a spokesperson, with a gravity worthy of a speech about the atomic bomb. "We cannot allow these agents of chaos to continue operating with impunity, stealing our chickens and our American flags."

But fear not, citizens! The United States military, with its arsenal of cutting-edge weapons, is already prepared for battle. Space Force, in particular, is developing "anti-twister missiles" and "patriotic clouds" to defend us from these aerial enemies. And, of course, we cannot forget the famous celestial wall, an insurmountable barrier that will keep illegal tornadoes out of our skies.

"These tornadoes have no papers! They're illegal sky immigrants!" tweeted Trump, with his usual poetic prose. "We need a wall, and we need it now! And Mexico will pay for it!"

Meanwhile, in Missouri, citizens, with a mixture of fear and admiration, watch as their tractors fly through the air, wondering if this is really terrorism or just extreme weather. But who are we to question the wisdom of our government? After all, if they aren't terrorists, why are they stealing our tractors?

So, fellow Americans, prepare for the war on wind. With the leadership of our government, we are sure to defeat this invisible enemy and restore peace and security to our nation. And remember, if you see a tornado, don't hesitate to shout, "Terrorist!"